Funny Christmas quotes

Are you looking for some funny stuff for this Christmas to text, make a joke of simply looking for some fun? There you’ll find some funny quotes that are great all around Christmas time – until 25th of December and beyond. Have fun!

Funny Christmas quotes

What would you say if this Christmas we gave each other a gift of not having to exchange gifts?

I’m sorry for thinking that your today’s outfit meant you were going to an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.

If you feel Christmas bells in your ass, you’d better let them out.

You’ll know if I will be your Secret Santa if you don’t get anything.

I actually like your gift box more than the gift itself.

It’s hard to tell you this, but I’m unable to attend any Christmas party that has happy couples only.

I put so much thought into a present for you that now it is too late to get it.

I couldn’t figure out what to get you for this Christmas thus I didn’t get you anything at all.

When I became your Secret Santa, I stopped hating you until Christmas.


I thought that your yesterday’s post on Facebook that this was your best year ever was just another fake news story on Facebook.

Christmas without Christ is a mess. A quote from Jose B. Cabajar

From year 2017 Trump will move national Christmas holiday in the U.S. from December 25th to January 7th to allign celebration with Russia.

Santa saw your Facebook photo – now he knows he‘s going give you some clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.

I never believed in Santa Claus as I was sure that no white guy would dare to come to our neighborhood after dark.

You do the whole job, but that fat guy in a red costume gets all the merit.

That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. A quote from Jerry Seinfeld

When you stop believing in Santa Claus, you start getting underwear and socks as Christmas presents.

Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody! A quote from Ogden Nash

When Santa Claus heard that you‘ve been good this year, he died laughing.

Last year I bought my kids a set of batteries as Christmas present with the note that „toys are not included“

Christmas is the time when kids tell what they want and their parents pay for it. Economic deficit is when parents tell the government what they want and it makes the kids pay for it.

Once again, we come to the holiday season – a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. A quote from Dave Barry


I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping. A quote from Steven Wright

Christmas is the time when you buy presents with the money that you’ll earn only the upcoming year.

Wish your birthday and Christmas presents not be combined.

If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you’re able to demonstrate this is the gift you wanted to receive for 1 minute.

Before Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, what did people do on Christmas Day?

The vocabulary of the daughter was getting richer and richer when the father was decorating Christmas-tree.

We have a tradition with our friends – we go out on 25th of December and we don’t go out the next day.

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