Funny sayings about wives

Relationship of a husband and a wife – that’s an immortal source of funny sayings. Hereby we suggest you some of the best funny sayings about wives. We wonder if people, who read these jokes, will still want to get married. But hey, guys, though it is said that in every joke there is some part of truth, it’s not always necessarily so!

Funny sayings about wives:

What’s the difference between a fiancée and a wife? Approximately 15 kilos.

The value of money in a relationship: the 10 bucks that the wife and the tax inspection don’t know about are worth more than the 100 that both know about.

A wife in big doses is poison, in small doses – medicine.

You should argue with your wife only when she’s not around.

A wife is like a boomerang – the harder you throw the faster she comes back.

It’s better to be the first lover than a third wife.

An iron rule of a leader – make love to your wife in the morning and you will be the first.

It’s good when your wife is a master in the kitchen, lady in the living room and a whore in bed. It’s bad when she’s a lady in the kitchen, a whore in the living room and a master in bed.

4 stages of a woman’s life:
1. Pampers.
2. Snickers.
3. Tampax.
4. Climax.

When you want to marry a beautiful, a smart and a rich woman – marry three times.


Every wife should understand one thing: a dinner will taste better if she cooks it less frequently.

From a housewife’s book: a toilet is the face of a housewife.

To a young housewife: remember that a small bottle of vodka not only will decorate the table but also will hide your cooking mistakes.

If a wife is silent and not arguing – it means she’s sleeping.

I don’t need Google – my wife knows everything.

When a wife got to know that her husband has another woman, she married her father. And then she became his mother-in-law.

Woohooo, it is Friday night! Oh wait, wait… I’m mom…

If your wife is holding a rolling-pin in her hands, it does not necessarily mean that you are going to eat pancakes.

Funny sayings about women:

Women‘s relationship with men
Women in bed
Women character and stereotypes
Women: money & beauty

Quotes about women shopping

Were you provoked by these sayings? Get to know that there are as many funny sayings about  men, as about women. Visit the funny sayings about men page. Or directly it’s subpages:

Funny sayings about husbands

Men’s relationship with women

Men in bedroom

Men character and stereotypes

Funny sayings – top categories

Best funny sayings

Funny drinking sayings

Funny sayings about work

Funny sayings about love

Funny sayings about life

Funny friendship sayings

Inspirational sayings

Funny one liners

Funny random sayings

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